Seven tips for dealing with loneliness on the road

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: travelling solo is one of life's greatest experiences. While there are numerous reasons why you should hit the road alone, the downside is that you run a greater risk of experiencing feelings of loneliness than you would travelling with a partner or friend. I recently complied my top seven tips for how to beat loneliness when travelling for MSN NZ and thought I'd share them here.

Keep busy: The best way to overcome loneliness when travelling is to keep busy. Some people like to write or read, but these in themselves are very introspective and lonely pursuits. I find it's better to plan a couple of days of full-on sightseeing. Set your own itinerary and pack your day completely seeing all the local sights. You'll be so busy trying to locate the next destination on your tour or working out the public transport system you won't have time to be lonely.

Go for a walk or run: Doing some exercise is an excellent way to keep active and clear your mind of any thoughts of loneliness. Going for a run or a long walk will not only raise your spirits, but also give you the opportunity to explore areas of a town you may not have seen.

Go to a local bar or coffee shop: Grab a book or your journal and head to a bar or cafe. Find one that is frequented by locals and then deliberately choose a seat where you can maximise your chances of striking up a conversation with other patrons. Most people enjoy talking about themselves and what's important to them, so this is a great way to learn a little more about the local people and the place you're in.

Join a tour: Travelling solo is a fantastic experience, but it doesn't mean you have to spend all your time alone. Whether you take a day-trip or a join multi-day tour, getting out and about with a group of other travellers is a great way to meet people.

Volunteer: A sure-fire way to meet other people is to find work as a volunteer. Whether you help out in a soup kitchen or teach children at a local school you'll not only keep loneliness at bay, but you'll also enhance your travel experience by making a greater connection with the community.

Stay in a hostel: While staying in a hotel with your own private bath and room service might be a tempting option, it can also be very isolating. Hostels on the other hand offer plenty opportunities to interact with like-minded travellers. What's more they're only a fraction of the cost. Most hostels have communal television or computer rooms - some even have bars. So you never know, you might even make a new friend or find a travel buddy for your next adventure.

Communicate with the world: With so many gadgets and gizmos at our disposal these days, it's certainly not hard to stay in touch with family and friends when you’re on the road. Whether you reach for a pay-phone to call home, send a text message on your mobile or log-on to the internet to catch-up with your friends on Facebook or to update your blog, connecting with friends and family is a good way to beat the loneliness blues. A word of warning: just make sure you don't allow technology to get in the way of making real connections with real people.

Get a good night's sleep: One of the biggest sources of loneliness is over-tiredness. At the same time, over-sleeping can also make you tired and lonely. So make sure you get around eight hours of sleep each night and be careful not to hide in bed all day.

Happy travels!

Picture: Taking it all in, Malolotja Nature Reserve, Swaziland

Five reasons to travel solo: #5 Personal growth

Finally, here is my top reason why you should consider travelling solo. As Leyla from Women on the Road pointed out in her comment on my first post, the greatest benefit of travelling solo is that it boosts your confidence and helps you grow. Travelling solo is when you really find out what you're made of. With no one else to rely on, you must learn to trust your own instincts and make your own decisions. Things of course will go wrong – remember I wound up in hospital on my last solo trip – but it's these very challenges that'll make you stronger. And with every new hurdle you conquer, your confidence will grow as you discover that you're far more capable than you ever imagined you could be.

Happy travelling!

Five reasons to travel solo: #4 Make up your own mind

Have you ever noticed that when you travel you tend to change your opinions of a place depending on who you’re with? For example, you finally set your eyes on the Pyramids in Egypt and are in total awe, when your travelling companion turns to you and says, “They’re not that impressive.” So you take another look and have to agree your friend’s right – surely they should be bigger? Alain de Botton, author of The Art of Travel, argues that how we see the world when we travel is greatly influenced by those we travel with. Not only do we change our views, but we also limit our curiosity to fit in with our companion’s expectations. Therefore, the only way to truly see and experience a place is to travel alone.

Five reasons to travel solo: #3 Local connections

As a solo traveller not only will you find it easier to meet other travellers, but you'll also be infinitely more approachable to the locals who can easily be intimidated by large groups of foreigners. If you're alone they'll be more inclined to invite you to eat with them, or even to put you up for the night than they ever would if you’re travelling with someone else. I've had some of my best local experiences when I've been by myself: I had dinner with a real Transylvanian Count in his castle in Romania, I celebrated the Orthodox Easter with a local family in the tiny Republic of Moldova, and, I was given a personal tour around Bardia, an isolated town in the far north of Libya, by two elderly men who expected nothing except a heart-felt thank-you in return. I would never have had these opportunities if I had not been alone.

Five reasons to travel solo: #2 New found friends

Most people assume that travelling solo means you travel like a hermit and spend all your time alone. Far from it - you only need to be alone if you want to be alone. In reality meeting other people tends to be much easier when you're on your own. For starters, you'll be forced to come out of your shell and initiate conversations with others. And moreover, as a solo traveller you're far more approachable than a couple or a group of friends.

A casual chat in a local cafe can easily turn into an invitation for dinner or even the opportunity to discover a region of a country you'd never dreamed of going to. For me, a chance meeting with two other travellers in L'viv in the Ukraine turned into a cross-country train journey into the heart of the Carpathian Mountains to trace the family roots of one of my new found friends. It was actually one of the most fascinating, fun and entertaining trips I've ever been on. Yet while most friends you make on the road will temporarily provide you with the benefits of having a travel partner without the commitment, there are those kindred spirits that you'll meet that will become friends for life. In fact, many of the friendships I have to this day have been made when I've been travelling solo - that includes my two travel buddies I met in the Ukraine!

Five reasons to travel solo: #1 Freedom & flexibility

Most people are surprised - some even shocked - when they find out I travel alone. Reactions to my revelation vary from long, sympathetic stares to appalled cries of: "Don't you get lonely?"

Sure it's great to share your travelling experiences with others: Having my friend Dan join me on my recent research trip through Tanzania for the first four weeks was fantastic, but I equally enjoyed the journey when I was on my own (with the exception of winding up in hospital of course!). The fact is travelling solo is one of the most self-satisfying experiences you're ever likely to have. So for anyone who's never contemplated taking-off alone, I thought I'd share five fabulous reasons why you should consider flying solo.

The biggest attraction of travelling solo is the sense of freedom and independence you'll feel. It's one of the few times in life when you get to call all the shots. You decide when to go where and you don't have to consult anyone. When travelling, you're often presented with opportunities to experience new places or sights that weren't in your original plan. If your travel companion doesn't want to go, you'll either end up comprising or, worse still, miss out altogether and then bemoan the decision for the rest of the trip. But if you don't have anyone to consider, you can spend all your time lazing on a beach if you want, or suddenly decide to explore that little-known temple which piqued your interest. What's more, if you don't like a place, you can simply move on. No debates; no arguments; no compromises. Bliss!

Travel disasters: When things go wrong

I know it has been ages since I have posted on my blog. Unfortunately, the last few weeks have been very hectic, internet access has been erratic and I've had a few major dramas along the way that have spiced things up a little. So I hope that this blog explains at least one of the reasons for my lengthy silence.

When it comes to travelling the old saying, "hope for the best, and plan for the worst" rings true. Because, in spite of the best laid plans, things can and will go wrong. While most travel frustrations can easily be navigated around, as I recently discovered, there are those unavoidable bumps in the road which can quickly turn a fun, relaxing holiday into a stress-filled nightmare.

In all the years I've been travelling for work the most that has gone wrong has been a delayed flight or two and the odd case of traveller's diarrhea. (Mind you, I did once almost get arrested in Transdniestr for arriving at the border crossing half an hour later than I was officially allowed – but that's another story!). This time, however, not only did my luggage manage to go missing on a short 1-hour flight from Dar es Salaam to Nairobi, but, en route home I unfortunately got waylaid by a nasty three-day stint in a hospital in Jamaica after picking a severe case of salmonella food poisoning from something I ate in Cuba.

The drama all started the day I was leaving Cuba. Sitting waiting for my flight in the departure lounge of the airport in spite of searing outside temperatures I suddenly began to feel very cold, my head started throbbing, my stomach turned and I began to visibly shake. Not wanting to get stranded in country where I couldn't speak the language, I simply boarded the plane and buried myself under a blanket for the 2-hour flight back to Jamaica hoping that whatever was wrong with me would soon pass.

By the time I made it through immigration and to my hotel room in Kingston, however, I could barely stand. Still not wanting to draw attention to how sick I was for fear I'd miss my flight the next morning to the US, I thought that it would be best if I tried to sleep off my illness. When I woke up three hours later and realised I was getting worse rather than better, I finally decided to call reception to ask for a doctor. With no doctor available and the on-call nurse MIA, the hotel's duty manager came up to check on me, though, after taking one look at me he decided to rush me to emergency room of the nearest hospital. Luckily for me he did as by the time we made it to the hospital my temperature had reached 104 degrees Fahrenheit and I was verging on delirium. Needless to say I was immediately admitted.

Landing in hospital wasn't exactly how I envisaged I would end my trip (yes, that is a picture of the view from my hospital bed above), but I suppose I should consider myself lucky – at least it didn't happen at the beginning and stop me from enjoying the journey. What's more, I was so inspired by this latest [mis]adventure that I contacted one of my editors and have now sold three separate story ideas for a short series of articles on "What to do when things go wrong"!

So what are your worst travel disaster stories?

Guest Blog: Surviving Stone Town

While I slaved away researching hotels in hot and humid Dar, Dan set off to Zanzibar for a few days of diving and exploring Stone Town. Here's what he had to say about his adventure:

Stone Town, the main urban settlement on the island of Zanzibar remains a top Tanzanian tourist attraction as travelers seek to revisit the history of slaves and spices of the island and wander the maze of narrow streets that comprise the old town. The history of African, Persian and Asian influences on the islands are evident throughout the town in the range of food available. Twists and turns in the maze of backstreets reveal hundreds of stalls and shops, craft vendors and craftspeople, the sound of the ocean rapidly replaced by a school-room of children reciting Arabic verses, and pedestrians, bikes and motorbikes jostling for space on the narrow alleyways.

My visit to Stone Town left Kim in the sweltering heat of Dar es Salaam as I took an early morning ferry across the water to Zanzibar for a few days of scuba diving. Whilst the neighbouring island of Pemba is touted as the better destination for diving, time constraints kept me to Stone Town.

For three days a small hotel in the heart of the Shangani district of Stone Town was my home as I set out each morning on Bahari Divers' dhow and explored reefs and wrecks in the Indian Ocean. Amongst the nudibranchs, clown fish, puffer fish, lion fish, ramoras, trigger fish and parrot fish, the highlight was at the end of the third dive: a close encounter of the turtle-kind.

Where guidebooks and tourists talk of the sound of Zanzibar being taarab music, for me the audio accompaniment for the trip was the noise of hundreds of petrol generators. An ongoing powercut (9 days and counting by the time I left the island) meant businesses were reliant on petrol generators for power, and the constant chatter of these engines was the soundtrack of the visit. A side-effect of this was for hotel, restaurant and shop prices to increase dramatically as operating costs rose due to the cost of generating electricity.

Sadly, all diving trips must come to an end, and after my third day on Zanzibar the afternoon ferry brought me back to Dar es Salaam.

Tips to surviving Stone Town:
Touts: As soon as you set foot off the ferry you will be beset by porters, taxi drivers and ‘guides’, some offering their services outright and others making conversation before guiding you to a hotel or guesthouse. Stone Town is a maze of streets so unless you know exactly where you are going, a guide may be of use to show you the way – but be aware they will expect payment for this and will likely loiter outside your hotel until you reappear and then attempt to guide the rest of your visit. Trying to shake these guides loose can be tiresome and some tourists opt to retain a guide as once you are ‘spoken for’ the hassle from other touts disappears. If, as I did, you walk alone then be prepared for a near constant bombardment of people offering goods and services. If you do ‘retain’ a guide, treat their claims and advice with a large amount of caution – one tourist I met on the boat back to Dar was left furious and distraught by the lies and claims made by the tout she had used for two days.

Losing your cool: In hot weather and with constant attention from touts, it is easy for tempers to become frayed. Rows with touts and pan-handlers will not get you far; try to keep your cool. On the two occasions when touts became overbearing and forced me into confrontations, a simple but firm re-assertion of your refusal of their services/products sufficed to put them off and to gain the attention of and support of locals who were visibly annoyed that these touts were acting in an aggressive manner.

Eating and drinking: The fish market, now based in a street between the Old Fort and the Zanzibar National Museum, is a great place for good quality street food (especially sea food and sugar cane juice) from about 6pm until 9pm. Watch out for overcharging and take a bit of time to look at the different stalls before being pressured into eating from a particular one. Expect a degree of hassle from pan-handlers and guides if experiencing the market alone. There are numerous cafes, restaurants and shops selling food and drink during the day, but a quick way of cooling down is from the street vendors who ply the streets with handcarts laden with oranges or coconuts. For a few hundred shillings a handful of oranges or a coconut-milk will provide a quick and mobile pick-me-up (and amusement to small children as you, the crazy mzungu, inevitably spill half the coconut milk down your shirt).

Streets of Stone Town: Stone Town’s charm is the maze of alleys and streets, but it is easy to get lost amongst them. Try to keep an idea of your general orientation, but if all else fails and you find yourself lost, just head in one direction until you reach the edge of the old town, work out where you are and carry on from there.

Learn some Swahili: A few basic words and phrases in Swahili will serve you well. Being able to work through greetings and declining offers of help (Hapana, asante) will help with shaking off touts and with getting assistance from staff and locals.

Dress appropriately: As with many other parts of Tanzania, dressing conservatively with long trousers and long sleeves is advisable – not only is this culturally sensitive, but it does seem to reduce slightly the hassle from street touts, and helps prevent sunburn!

Find a reputable dive company: There are numerous companies offering scuba diving and snorkeling in Stone Town and across Zanzibar. Seek recommendations as to reputable companies before booking and diving with a company, and check they are appropriately certificated by the government and the diving industry. Bahari Divers and One Ocean in Stone Town have very good reputations.
The passport stamp/port tax scam: Con artists working at the Dar ferry terminal will say you need to pay them or a colleague money for your passport to be stamped back into Dar (it doesn’t) or for the port tax (you don’t, buy your ticket from a ticket office and the tax is included in the total price). Ignore such people and don’t pay them anything. There is little point reporting such activities to the local police as they are unlikely to do anything about it.

Remember the good things: Despite the hassles and heat, try to remember the good times and positive experiences. Would you rather be being hassled to buy a bracelet by a beach on Zanzibar or to take part in a piece of market research on a rainy afternoon back home?

The greatest woman traveller?

When it comes to travel, woman have always been adventurous, but, as usual, it's the men who've gotten the glory. While manly explorers like Henry Morton Stanley, David Livingston and Christopher Columbus have been immortalised forever in the history books and are still revered today, adventurous women like cartographer Gertrude Bell and British anthropologist Isabella Bird have become mere footnotes to history and today remain largely forgotten.

British magazine Wanderlust has decided to redress this imbalance by asking readers to vote for the top woman traveller of all time. Some of the woman on their list include African explorer Mary Henrietta Kingsley, 18th-century author Lady Mary Wortley Montagu and American aviator Amelia Earhart. They've also thrown in a few more modern women travellers such as Irish travel writer Dervla Murphy and world-record-breaking long-distance yachts woman Ellen MacArthur.

Personally, Mary Henrietta Kingsley gets my vote for travelling through parts of Africa I still haven't been to, dressed in those ridiculous, voluminous Victorian get-ups and for fighting off a crocodile with a paddle - what a woman!

You can cast your vote until 8 April.

So who'd get your vote? Who do you think is the greatest woman traveller of all time?

The single's survival guide to Valentine’s Day

With Valentine's Day almost upon us, it's that time of year when sweet nothings, red roses and romantic dinners become the order of the day. But if you, like me, are unattached then it is often the one day of the year you dread the most, silently wishing you could fritter it away hiding under your doona with your best friends Ben & Jerry close at hand.

Ironically, I’ve just spend the last week writing articles for one of my publishers about romantic spa treatments you can surprise your partner with and unusual wedding destinations where you can get hitched this Valentine’s Day, giving my happily married and coupled-up friends a great laugh at my expense. Unfortunately, I seem to have a six month expiry date when it comes to relationships (even cyber relationships as I most recently discovered!) and somehow with out planning I’ve missed out on celebrating almost all of the hallmark events with a significant other – Christmas, Valentine’s Day; even my birthday!

Personally, I think all my ex-boyfriends out of common curtesy should, at the very least, send me a belated birthday present! But I digress…

The point is, people don’t naturally come in pairs. We come into this world alone (unless you are a twin of course) and, in most cases, we leave it the same way. So rather than mope about not being in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, I say ditch the tub of ice-cream, embrace your solo status and treat yourself to a fabulous single’s getaway.

Fortunately, there are a number of great specialist travel operators offering tours where your single status can be worn as a badge of honour. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Argentina & Brazil
Ever fancied learning how to dance the tango? This has been on the top of my “to do” list for a long time. Footloose Tours combines the passion of Latin America's most vibrant cities, Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires, with intoxicating musical rhythms, warm tropical coastlines, rainforest and thunderous waterfalls on this fun 12-day tour.You never know, you might strike up a new romance while dancing one of the world's most seductive dances.

Vietnam & Cambodia
Discover the varied sights, sounds and flavours of the Far East on Solo Traveller’s 15-day tour through Vietnam and Cambodia. The tour takes in the temples of Angkor Wat, the Indo-French city of Siem Reap, the floating markets of Saigon and the bustling city of Hanoi. (OK, so this is probably who I should have arranged to go with on my planned, though ill-fated, trip to Cambodia at the end of last year – next time!)

Caribbean cruise
Being trapped on a boat with a bunch of hormonally-charged 20-somethings eager to party with nothing but endless sea surrounding me is not my idea of fun, but there are many singles out there for whom cruising is a passion. So if that is you, check out the range of Caribbean cruises offered by SinglesCruise.com. Cruises depart from New York, Fort Lauderdale and Miami and run for around 6-8 nights. All tours include theme nights, pool parties, dancing lessons and even speed dating.

Africa overland
For a real adventure nothing beats my personal favourite tour for singles – the African overland safari (just steer clear of the tour leaders; especially if they are blonde-haired, blue-eyed South Africans!). Dragomon has a great 28-day tour departing from Cape Town which snakes its way across South Africa, Namibia, and Botswana before arriving in Victoria Falls/Livingstone in Zambia. Highlights include quad biking through the Namib Desert, spying wildlife in Etosha National Park and canoeing through the Okavango Delta.

Kakadu & beyond
My final pick takes in a part of my home country which I am itching to see – Australia’s most famous national park; the Kakadu. Australian-based aRendezvous offers a “singles only” 9-day tour through the Kakadu where you'll observe Dreamtime rock art, swim in remote gorges and cruise among the abundant wildlife of Yellow Waters. This tour is operated by World Expeditions and also includes three days floating on the Katherine River.

Have a happily single Valentine’s Day!

Seven top tips for solo women travellers

Travelling solo is one of the most extraordinary and rewarding experiences you'll ever have. But, it can also be quite daunting, and doing so as a woman often complicates matters even further.

From being groped walking through a park in Athens to being harassed by gun-toting border officials in Transdniestr and propositioned for sex in the Ukraine, I’m well aware of the pitfalls of travelling solo as a woman. Frustrating as it is, women continue to face more challenging situations when travelling than men do. But don’t let that stop you. Simply by taking a few precautions you can make your trip easier. So to help you out here are my seven top tips for women travellers.

1. Dress appropriately
Leave the revealing clothing at home! Clothing that is fashionable and appropriate for us to wear at home may project a provocative image in another culture. Some cultures find it an offensive or even enticement, for women to wear short skirts, shorts or even bathing suits. If you're unsure, take your cues from the local women who set the standard for what attire is acceptable. Also, you might want to consider wearing a wedding ring. While I haven't tried this yet myself (mind you, I'd often wished I had!), many woman travellers have found that a ring can quickly deflect unwanted attention.

2. Carry a personal safety device
Avoid walking around on deserted streets after dark – even if you are with a companion. If you can't, then carry a small flashlight or other personal safety device in your hand. Even a simple whistle may cause just enough of a distraction to give you a chance to escape an unpleasant situation.

3. Exude confidence
When travelling alone (or even with a group) act confident and adopt a no nonsense attitude. Walk with purpose and look like you know where you're going – even if you don't! That way, you'll be less of a target for hustlers who prey on disoriented tourists. Also try to avoid looking at maps while you're in the street. Study your route before hand, or find one of those wallet-sized maps which you can discreetly refer to if necessary.

4. Stick with a group
It is unlikely that you will be approached or harassed if you're in the company of other people. So try to sit or stand next to other women or family groups in restaurants, on trains or buses, and in other public places.

5. Watch your back
If you are being followed duck into a nearby shop and wait until the person has passed. If a situation of harassment escalates, making a scene can sometimes be effective as many societies place a high premium on respecting social norms. Learn to say the phrase, “Go away!” in the local language and use it firmly. If all else fails, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

6. Lose the handbag
Unless you want to impress the young fashionistas of Paris or Milan - lose the handbag. It is not uncommon for a would-be thief to cut the straps of a handbag and then disappear into a thick sea of bodies with all your valuables. The best way to avoid this is to wear a money belt. However, constantly reaching under your shirt for money draws attention to it and tends to defeat the purpose. So carry enough money in a small, easily accessible money pouch or purse that will cover all incidental daily expenses.

7. Use common sense
Using common sense is perhaps the single best tip for staying safe and having a good time while you're travelling alone. This includes the usual recommendations: don't walk around late at night, don't drink with strange men, don't ride in empty compartments on trains, and don't compromise safety to save a few bucks on a hotel or transportation.

The key is to maintain awareness while not becoming overly paranoid. After all, travelling is meant to be fun!

An edited version of this article is on MSN NZ Travel